Dear Mom who told me I was Selfish and Lazy, I Forgive You.

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iforgiveyou

Dear Mom who called me selfish and lazy, I forgive you.

I forgive you for telling me it was selfish and lazy for “choosing” to bottle feed my baby.
I forgive you for that knife you stabbed into my heart.

You couldn’t have known that both of my babies refused me.
You couldn’t have known, I gave it everything I had until they refused me.
You couldn’t have known that bottle feeding was far from my choice.
You couldn’t have known what was in that bottle that I was feeding my baby.
You couldn’t have known that I spent my one hour of free time the night before pumping every last ounce I could possibly create just to have that 4 oz bottle.
You couldn’t have known that every time I give my baby a bottle my heart breaks.
You couldn’t have known the endless tears I shed when my baby started to refuse me.
You couldn’t have known that I questioned why my baby hated me every time he refused me.
You couldn’t have known that with every scoop of formula I give my baby the guilt eats me alive.
You couldn’t have known that my lack of ability to breast feed triggered my extreme postpartum anxiety.
You couldn’t have known the extreme jealousy I felt when I saw another mom flawlessly breastfeeding her baby.
You couldn’t have known the countless medications,interventions and other ridiculousness I tried to keep my babies breast feeding.
You couldn’t have known the billions of gallons of water I drank to “boost my supply”
You couldn’t have known the hours I spent on my knees praying, asking why I couldn’t do the one thing a mother is supposed to be able to do.
You couldn’t have known that I never wanted my babies to be classified as”formula fed babies”
you couldn’t have known the extreme guilt some mother’s feel when breast feeding doesn’t work out.

I wish you knew the love that overcomes me when I look into my baby’s eyes while I bottle feed him.
I wish you knew the love I feel watching my husband bottle feed him.
I wish you knew that I have come to peace with the pain and guilt that I have felt over breast feeding.
I wish you knew how incredible both my babies are even though they were half and half (formula/breast milk) babies.
I wish you knew that being a Mom is my true calling in life.
I wish you knew you ruined my day.

You should have known that formula is perfectly fine.
You should have known that formula fed babies turn out wonderfully.
You should have known that my babies are loved with every single piece of my soul.
You should have known that I was feeding him. Period.
You should have minded your own business….
You should have known that we are both Mothers. And Mothers need each other to survive. So, “put down your pitchfork”. Mothers need mothers.

So, Dear Mom who called me selfish and lazy, I forgive you.

 

 

For a great affordable manual breast pump, check out the My Great Baby Breast Pump

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8 thoughts on “Dear Mom who told me I was Selfish and Lazy, I Forgive You.

  1. Mallory Boggs says:

    Amen! I’m right there with you! It’s easy for some and not for others. Regardless, it’s no ones place to judge. A fed baby is a happy baby!

  2. Trisha F says:

    Those first moments of trying to feed your baby were the most emotional for me- are they getting enough, am I failing and my child will starve? (love that drop in hormones)
    We did half/half as best we could and we got a chunky-boy out of it.
    Whatever you can do to make a baby happy is the most amazing miracle- you kept a human alive! 🙂

  3. Hailey Jones says:

    Same thing happened with me! I could only do half and half for 8 weeks and still get told by people who have never breastfed that I was just not putting in the effort! Little did they know I dont have a thyroid and only one ovary. I was on extreme medication when I got pregnant to keep the baby. I felt like the worst person when I just couldnt produce enough for my babe to eat. People need to learn that formula is designed so closely to breast milk now and they both work. Formula does the job. Period. We should be celebrating motherhood with each other. No matter which way you feed your baby. We need to support each other all the way as mothers not on a conditional level. I love you. You are such an inspiration. Don’t let peoples lack of knowledge get to you.

    • Momsbagoftricks says:

      So good to know im not alone! I’m sorry that happened and you had to go through that! You are an amazing mom! xoxo

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